Dirty Little Secret
by BookOfXcentric
Summary: Frau wants to know why Castor always take his Porn hence operation Castor's dirty little secret. In which Frau is Frau, Teito is embarrassed, Castor is pissed and Labrador faints. Not for kids. Includes an Omake.


**A/N:** me no own 07 Ghost. This is just a funny little thing about Frau's porn and Castor and Lab's realtionship. There might be a few spelling and grammar mistakes in there, Like many others English isn't my main language... Knock yourself out!  
**Rating:** Teen, rated because Frau's in it. Not for the kiddies.., may contain language and a scene some might find offensive.  
**Warnings:** There might be an implied spoiler for the Paradise of Oblivion arch, but I donno.

OXXXO  
**Quote of the fic:  
**_"Chaos in the midst of chaos isn't funny, chaos in the midst of order is."_  
- Steve Martin

OXXXO

Frau stomped down the brilliant kilometre long hallways, angrily muttering to himself under his breath, sounding much like a grumbling dog. Scaring the sisters, examinees and other bishops he encountered on his furious stride.

It had been a beautiful day to begin with but now he found the sun rays too bright, the bird chirping too obnoxiously loud, the faint aroma of flowers too strong. He would have to tell Labrador there was such a thing as too much flowers.

The reason behind Frau's current mood? He had returned to his room after breakfast only to find that it had been raided, even his underwear drawer had been violated, and all his hidden porno stashes emptied, dried up like a pond in July. And he knew exactly who had done it; mainly because the four eyed doll making culprit had left a note pinned on his door. Said poor little note hadn't had a chance when it was met with the wrath of Zehel.

Why did Castor always have to take is porno magazines? It wasn't like Frau read them for fun, okay so he did, but he had needs God damn it! Like every other healthy, full-blooded male. And did the doll maker have some contract with God which stated that he was allowed to always conveniently get there just as Frau was about to take a peek at his library stash?

Why did he have to take them? It wasn't like it hurt anyone to look! Looking has never gotten a woman knocked up, especially not one who's two dimensional on a piece of paper.

A grin which spread from ear to ear suddenly marred his face, scaring even more people than his angry stride. Maybe disciplined Castor was a closet pervert, that's why the guy constantly took his porno: he wanted Frau's goodies all to himself. That was a thought which pissed Frau off. How could Castor be so selfish? Thinking only of himself and his own pleasure.

It was Frau's treasure for heavens sake! All Castor needed to do was ask, he'd happily share a few volumes. Or maybe Castor took the porn because he was afraid to ask? That was just adorable, and bit pathetic for a man. But that meant Castor didn't trust Frau to keep his secret. Okay now he was Pissed, he wasn't that unreliable.

But he had actually seen the doll maker throw the porn out, so he didn't read it. On the other hand it simply wasn't possible for a full-blooded male to just throw out porn; Unless, Castor got his fair share somewhere else.

Now Frau was grinning like a brain damaged five-year old on crack. For some reason the thought of Castor mounting someone was extremely satisfying. _'Castor. You, you stallion! I'd never thought you had it in you.' _

And slowly the gears started turning, forming and idea in his head, you could almost see it.

-Elsewhere:-

Labrador rose from his flowerbed, shears in one hand as he was about to trim the plants before him. "Do you smell anything burning?" He asked Castor who quietly looked up from the doll clothes he was sewing.

"Oh, that is just Frau thinking, he does that about once every tenth year."

"…Aah." Labrador turned back to his roses.

-Back to Frau:-

It was that very, very bad type of idea that one should be spanked for even considering. But this is Frau; Mr Bad=Fun. It was a very simple idea though. (Again; this is Frau, we can not expect too much; he might have a stroke.) If he found out who Castor's friend with benefit was then he could use that as blackmail to keep his porn.

Hence operation 'Castor's dirty little secret.' But he would require some help; who to force into this?

Teito: Sure the kid was in whatever he wanted or not. Frau would damn himself if he didn't manage to turn the kid into a pervert by the time he hit 16.

Hakuren: Of course! He had that one wrapped around his finger.

Labrador: Wait, that didn't ring right. Sweet, innocent Lab. Not even a grand pervert like Frau would try to corrupt that naïve, childlike mind (Though he highly doubted he would be able to, Lab could be quite dense). No, Lab was out of the question.

Lance: Frau had a strong suspicion that once that idiot got wind of the operation not even Verloren suddenly showing up dressed in a Hula skirt, dancing the Macarena and singing a crack version of 'I'm too sexy' of key would be able to keep him out.

So without further ado Mr So-not-bishop-material was off to find his three, whatever they wanted it or not, shenanigans.

OXXXO

Teito clenched his jaw, schooling his facial muscles into and indignant pout. "Have you ever heard the word privacy?" He hissed. He really didn't feel too good about this, mainly because unlike somebody else he did respect others personal solitude.

Frau waved a dismissive hand in Teito's direction. "Yes, but I'm unsure about the general outline of the words meaning." He teased.

Teito didn't know whatever to seethe in annoyance or kick Frau in the shin for being the greatest bother of the centaury, so he settled for a defeated shrug. "Why am I not surprised?"

The four where huddled around the corner from Castor's room, like a bunch of not so stealthy thieves on a heist. Frau where peeking around the corner. Lance where in a crouched position holding out his mirror but whatever he was actually using it to spy for Castor, to come or leave his room, or cheeking himself out was rather hard to tell.

Hakuren had a relatively firm grip on Frau's clothing as he was trying to find a way to peep over the others massive stature and failing to do so.

Teito stood leaned against the wall silently asking himself why he didn't just leave the other three to their obviously offensive business, he had after all spent the last 30 or so minutes trying to persuade them not to commence this invasion of privacy. And had they listened to him? No. They never did, especially when it came to anything remotely lascivious.

Poor Teito felt so embarrassed every time someone walked by giving the four of them a strange look that he thought he was going to sink through the floor. He was a good lad, he respected people; except Frau… and possibly Lance sometimes, and Hakuren when the blonde embarked on one of his tirades and Ayanami and the rest of the military, which involved quite a few people… Okay, so he'd take the respect part back!

But he held Castor in quite high regard, and privacy. Both of which he felt was being violated.

A few hours later the corridor was enveloped in darkness and most people had gone to bed quite some time ago; most of which had walked by the four looking at them as if they had Kohlrabi sprouting from their extra head or something.

Hakuren ceased trying to peek over Frau's shoulder and instead slumped against the wall next to Teito, the blonde stretched his arms over his head and yawned. They had been here for hours and no bishop Castor, no dirty little skeletons jumping out of the closet, no nothing. He was bored.

-In the mean time:-

Labrador arched back against rough tree bark gasping and covering his mouth with the back of his hand, squeezing those deep inscrutable eyes shut. His head going from side to side as he tried to contain himself. The skilled hands ghosting up the sides of his torso with tickling precision urging him to moan and pant and gasp within their hold; the doll maker was indeed quite audacious.

It was a dangerous escapade, but seeing the bright full moon reflecting like mother of pearl against the silver roses made every horrible possibility of discovery tolerable. Labrador was quite impudent in that sense; risking it all just for a wish of romance in the garden, knowing Castor could never deny him. But he did choose the location of the silver roses; the flower of protection. Hopefully the charm of the roses would offer them protection from insight and detection.

Labrador was that kind of person. Knowing the consequences he was still prepared to take the risk. It was that characteristic which made others want to protect him, Labrador never thought of himself. He took care of others to such and extent that others had to take care of him, because he was simply unable to do it on his own. It was childish, it was naïve; it was what Castor loved about him. Labrador's wish for everyone to live. Understanding the outcome and still sacrificing himself for the sake of others was the exact reason why he died to begin with.

Castor moaned as a pair of soft and moist lips pressed up against his harder ones none to gently, demanding to be tended to and of course he wasn't late to comply. Forcing his tongue past those supple lips, orally raping every inch of the cavity behind.

"Smell like roses, taste like roses" he whispered huskily once they broke for air and he climbed on top of the smaller bishop. Labrador blushed lightly, happy for the compliment. He raised his arms to encircle Castor's neck, twining his fingers into the red tresses above him and placed a light kiss on his collarbone "And you smell like wood." Castor smiled down at him.

-Let's leave these two alone for now shall we?:-

"Let's sneak inside." Hakuren proposed, Teito tried in vain to shut his friend up as the two bishops turned to face them looking like two huge question marks. Frau holding a pair of binoculars, no one understood why he had brought them; Castor's bedroom door was only a few metres from their hiding spot.

"What do you mean?" Lance asked. Hakuren sighed, as if he though his innuendo was obvious to anyone with two legs. "There might be a clue as to whom Bishop Castor's secret lover is inside." And dawn broke on marble heads, Teito groaned, Frau cracked a smile "I like you, Kid! You're good at this."

Hakuren shrugged, a slight blush tinting his cheeks from receiving his idols praise. "I'm an Oak, sneakiness is a family trait."

OXXXXO

Teito poked one of the fifty or so unfinished dolls hanging from the ceiling, and shuddered as it silently swayed from side to side, like an eerie hanged man. God Castor's room was creepy.

"What's this?" Lance pointed at the vase on the nightstand. Frau rolled his eyes "It's a bouquet of flowers you idiot." Lance sent a glare in his direction "I can see that!

"Then why did you ask!"

"It's called delphinium." Hakuren informed the two bickering bishops from his spot examining some books in the bookshelf; he only briefly spared the bouquet a bored glance. "My mother likes them." He filled in noticing the other threes' questioning expressions.

"Shhh, someone's coming." Teito exclaimed making them all aware of the approaching footsteps outside. Hakuren stiffened clutching the book in his hand a little too hard. "It's bishop Castor, it has to be, who else would be coming here now?"

"He's not alone." Lance listened intensely. "There are two sets of steps." Frau grinned "He's coming with his lover, they're gonna have a little _something, something_ in here. We have to hide!" Frau was having the time of his life/death/whatever. He was acting like a giddy kid in a candy store.

Teito sighed, looking at his mentor in resignation. "Are you sure you're an adult?" Frau stuck his tongue out at him. Teito rolled his eyes "Oh, and that's supposed to be mature? You should be careful, you could catch a fly. On the other hand you might like that."

Frau blinked, looked at Lance and pointed to Teito "Did he just call me a child?" Lance perched his lips "I believe he called you toad."

Frau spun around to face Teito again, resembling something like a menacing grudge. "Why you little…"

Hakuren cleared his throat, everyone turned their relatively short attention span on him, the blonde sighed and pointed at the door; from which one could clearly hear the sound of a key being turned inside a lock. "Hide!" Frau mouthed.

Lance ran for the curtains, Teito and Hakuren ducked underneath the overly crammed-with-doll-parts desk and Frau noticed the only hiding spot left, that would conceal a man of his size, was behind the pink couch (he would ponder the reason why Castor possessed a _pink_ couch later)

The door opened, revealing Castor and somebody else. Lance peeked out from behind the curtains, Hakuren and Teito moved a few pieces of doll scraps out of the way and Frau peered from behind the couch. One of Castor's arms was locked around somebody's slim waist, the other on the doorknob, their faces moulded together by a passionate kiss.

But the person in Castor's arms weren't wearing the black sister robes they had expected, but rather the white ones of a bishop. Lance quietly slapped a hand over his mouth to stifle an astounded gasp, Teito and Hakuren did the same to each other. Frau couldn't see who the person was from his spot but it was quite apparently a male.

Castor's arms moved from the person's waist, caressing their way down until they came around to grip at clothed buttocks, said person moaned though the sound was muffled by their wrestling mouths. All of sudden the person's bishop veil came off as Castor's hand rose to ghost over their pale nape. It dropped to the floor, revealing the light lilac tresses only one individual inside the church possessed.

Lance shrieked. Teito accidentally bit down on Hakuren's hand causing the other to jump out from their hiding place holding his injured extremity pronouncing profanity after profanity. Teito himself ran after the blonde apologizing deeply. Frau shot from his spot and roared and overly excited "BUSTED!"

Castor stared, he took in the scene inside his room within a millisecond; Lance's feet peeking out from underneath the curtain, Frau pointing at him and striking a ridiculous pose, Teito clinging to Hakuren, said blonde holding his hand with slight trace of blood oozing from a bite wound. His astonished face twisted into that of righteous rage.

Labrador elicited a slight shocked whimper, at the scene, and then paled considerably. While everyone in the room turned their attention to the small bishop they saw how his legs gave out and he slowly began sinking towards the floor as if in slow-motion.

Castor reached out and caught him in a secure grip, before he could land and hit his head on the cold, hard stone floor. He held Labrador's unconscious body in his arms looking at him worriedly. Before he lifted the slender form up and carried him over to the bed gently placing Labrador down on it. The other four occupants of the room watched the scene with slight apprehension. Frau scratched the back of his head as Castor turned around to face them a foreboding smile gracing his lips… the smile twisted…

"What the Hell! Have you ever heard of privacy!" Teito sent his mentor a look of 'I told you so.'

Frau answered the accusation by pointing dramatically at the doll maker "You're one to talk! You're doing Lab! Our sweet, innocent, gentle, naive Lab!" "Is not so innocent…" Castor stated matter of factually after Frau stopped crying, leaving the other with an open mouth. Castor smiled roguishly waving a finger in the air. "I'll have you know he's quite experienced." Spoken in an impish teasing tone.

Lance did a theatrical impression of a fainting, Teito blushed and Hakuren whistled. Lance came back up with a happy smile and an expression of understanding on his face. "So Master Lab is the one who rocks glasses world."

Everyone was left in premature silence until Frau sighed and took a seat on the aforementioned pink couch rubbing his temples. A vein threatened to burst on Castor's forehead but Teito could see the beginning to a content smile on the bespectacled man's lips as he stood with crossed arms in an protective stance before Labrador's still unconscious figure.

Lance walked up to the red head gazing at him in the same way one might observe and interesting painting at the museum. "Then I presume Master Lab was the one who presented you with those flowers? You've never been one for bringing nature into your room yourself."

"Yes, he was." Castor admitted as Labrador groaned from behind, making him turn around to quickly give the smaller a once-over. Assuring that he was fine Labrador insisted on sitting up.

"What do they mean?" Lance asked as Castor helped Labrador sit up, as a safety precaution in case he would pass out again. "Delphinium represents an unwavering love, it means: 'Your faithfulness awakens my love, I shall forever remain yours.'" Labrador blushed as he explained the flowers' significance to everyone present.

Frau grinned from the couch, again like a frivolous child. "Okay, I believe we can reach an agreement here: Leave my porn alone and I won't tell Archbishop Jio about this.., tryst." His eyes sparkled with mischievousness in Castor and Labrador's direction. But with a hidden inner content he watched how the doll maker held Labrador secured with an arm around his waist.

Castor simply smiled putting his palm against Labrador's cheek, caressing. "You do that, and I might actually tell him about your porno to begin with." No one missed the rapid playful glance that grazed his eyes.

Frau blanked "Wait.., what! He doesn't know!" Castor stood up, turned to Frau and pushed his glasses up with one finger "Of course not, the people in this room are the only ones who know."

"That's blackmail!" Frau cried with and indignant pout. Labrador tilted his head to the side and smiled as if he thought Frau was the most adorable little kid, Teito and Hakuren face-palmed, Castor sighed and Lance groaned "You started it!" They exclaimed.

THE BLOODY END  
(though rather deprived of blood, don't you think?)

**-07 Ghost-Kids Parody Omake**-

Castor yawned. Trying to get his only partly aware brain to work out what the hell he was doing in the south hallway at 2 in the morning dressed in his pyjamas.

A half conscious Labrador stood next to him leaned against his shoulder. The pale boy's too big nightdress seemed to drown him, he had a pillow tucked under one arm and a few flowers were strangely floating in the air around his head. The little boy was beyond yawning; he was in a dim state of half sleep. Castor would have loved to send the younger one of to bed, though he wasn't so sure what Labrador defined as a bed, he seemed quite content sleeping outside. No matter how obviously bad it was for him, and he never listened to those who tried to point that out; Castor included.

His obnoxious roommate stood before them, a wide grin planted on his face and eyes sparkling with mischievousness. "Congratulations!" Frau pointed dramatically at them. "You two have been chosen out of hundreds of capable young men and women to participate in plan 'Bust Bastian'" The bothersome idiot walked back and forth before them like some highly disciplined teacher lecturing. An inaudible whisper suddenly rose from Labrador's throat. "I can see this happing." However none of the other two paid enough attention to really hear it.

"This is a great honour which have been bestowed upon thee" that infuriatingly grinning imbecile continued and Castor felt a sinking feeling install itself in the pit of his stomach, possibly the beginning to an ulcer, making him want to pick Labrador up and kick Frau all the way back to their bedroom. "Get to the point, will you!"

Frau composed himself "Okay, look the plan is simple, even Lab should be able to do it in his sleep…" "Which is exactly what he is: Asleep." Castor interrupted with a sour pout. Frau blanked then rushed forward and grabbed Labrador by the shoulders and shook him. "Hey Lab wake up! This is important!"

Castor reacted with alarm and immediately snatched the smaller boy back "Don't manhandle him you hooligan!" Labrador let out a minor whimper in Castor's protective hold, opening those large enigmatic lavender eyes.

Frau took a step back resuming his former task of telling his well thought out plan. "Like I said it's simple: Bastian will be coming out of his room, to go to a meeting, any minute now. Castor, you will be look out; make sure no one else is coming. I will distract Bastian and Lab… Hey, pay attention!" He snapped his fingers before the younger boy's face. "Lab, you will put this 'Kick Me!' note on his back. He will never suspect _you_." He held the piece of offensive paper out to the smaller boy, whom unwittingly took it, while blinking away sleepy tears.

Castor sighed; this was going to be a long night.

-The next morning-

Frau, Castor and Labrador stood lined up in a row. Arch Bishop Jio walked back and forth in a bothered stride before them. "Never would I have imagined such behaviour from three of the seven ghosts." He scolded. "Words such as maturity, respect and consideration comes to my mind when hearing about the results of this escapade of yours."

Frau winced inwardly; they must have been in the office for over an hour now listening to the Arch Bishop's longwinded admonishing. Castor glared at him out of the corner of his bespectacled eyes and Labrador had his eyes cast to the floor, though more in ponder than in shame.

"As punishment the three of you will stand against the wall until Assistant Arch Bishop Bastian decides to forgive you." Arch Bishop Jio said pointing at the back wall of his office.

Ten minutes later they where left alone in the room. Frau leaned his back against the wall arms crossed over his chest and heaved a bored sigh. "I don't understand what his problem is? He kicked him too."

Castor's finger twitched, it was a good thing Labrador had been placed between them otherwise Frau was quite sure the doll maker would have tried to strangle him.

Labrador gazed out the window on the other side of office, longing for his garden. "…I said I could see this coming." he spoke gently.

The other two jerked. "You could have told us that was a bloody premonition!" They exclaimed with one mouth.

-**07 Ghost-Kids Parody Omake End**-

**AN:** I know it's cheesy. I don't usually do work like this but with 07 Ghost I just can help myself and Castor and Labrador are just the sweetest of pairings. I wanted to make Labrador a little more demanding and experienced then he seems, just for fun…. You know, all my CastorXLabrador fics have a surprisingly small amount of actual CastorLab action.


End file.
